The Rollercoaster

She changed her mind AGAIN. It made me so mad. She came out in the garage Monday night and said she just couldn't take it, that we HAD to leave Tuesday afternoon after she got out of work. So I jumped into action. I told her to cash her miniscule check and ask to borrow twenty dollars from someone and then we'd have enough for gas and my brother could drive us down there and come back the next day. That was the plan. I packed ALL of my stuff; my clothes, books, journal, Bible, vitamins, toiletries... all of it. She was supposed to get out of work on 2:00 Tuesday afternoon and tell my dad she was leaving and then we were going to take off.

So I get up, and my dad knew something was wrong, but I told him I couldn't tell him what it was. He told me that he and mom had talked and she had asked him if he thought a separation was best and he said no, of course. So I found out from my dad of all people two hours before she was supposed to be home that she had changed her mind again. Or rather, as my grandma called it, "had her mind changed for her". I don't think I've cried that hard in a very, very long time. Not because I was so much upset over the fact that she wasn't leaving, it was because I'm sick of having my chain yanked all over the world, back and forth. It's exhausting.

The best thing that came out of this, though, is that even if she's not coming with me, I'm going to stay with the grams. Most likely for the rest of the summer until such time as I come back here, go to SAU, or "Secret Option C" which I have yet to discover. I'm so happy for that, I'm totally praising God for it. I haven't seen her or my grandpa in a year and a half since I left their house last time and I have missed them almost every single day since then. I'm very, very excited and thankful and joyous.

So it's six days until my visit to SAU and thirteen days until I find out my GED scores. YAY!

God. Is. Good.

God's Provision

After we met, I went to the front of Great Lakes where there was a bench in the sun and just sat and waited. I talked to God for a little while, and asked, even though it was later in the day, for a preceding word. It came in so clear: "Provision. I want you to see My provision." I didn't know really what that meant, but I knew I'd find out.

Sure enough, when the 'rents got there, I got in the car and found out that they made a combined total of $36 this past week because of vacations and other various things. It took me awhile to realize it, but then the word "provision" popped into my head again and I told God, "I'm going to praise You through this because I know You will provide in the midst of this." We got home and my brother offered to take us to lunch, then I came back home and laid down for a nap.

When I woke up, I received news from my sister that "the other woman" had texted my dad saying that she missed him. My mom had been told this morning that those conversations had stopped. She really wants to leave for my grandma's NOW, but we have no means to do so what with lack of money and all. I know that this is an attack on my view of how God provides, I just don't know HOW it is. I also don't know what He's supposed to provide in the midst of this. Peace? Understanding? All I know is that I will continue to praise Him through this because I know He's here, even if I don't understand.