2/27ish/2009: One More Round...

I'm obsessed with BarlowGirl. It's an issue. :)

Nah, just kidding. Of all of the music I could be "obsessed" with, (and by obsessed, I mean listening to CONSTANTLY), BarlowGirl is so, so, SO much better than other things I could be filling my mind with. I could take each one of their songs, (especially off of their third album "Million Voices"), and tell you why I love it and how it relates to my life.

Today, the song that's been sticking with me has been the song "One More Round". Here are the lyrics:

Round one wasn't what I thought it'd be
Round two I'm struggling to breath
3, 4, 5, 6, 7 times I wonder why I stepped inside this ring
I may be knocked down and so bruised
But I'm here to tell you I may be knocked down but not for the count
So take me one more round I'll just keep fighting
One more round You're messing me up but I'm still here
One more round I'll come out swinging
One more round I'm telling you now i'm not gonna lose it here
It's so hard to get up off the floor again
But I know that victory is when
I'm pushing through the pain that tries to feed me lies that I wont reach the end
I may be bloodied and so bruised
But I'm here to tell you
I may be knocked down but not for the count
So take me one more round I'll just keep fighting
One more round You're messing me up but I'm still here
One more round I'll come out swinging
One more round I'm telling you now I'm not gonna lose it
I am not defeated
Though you cannot see it
I have never won a battle on my own
I find strength in weakness
I find hope believing
If God is for me who can bring me down?
So take me one more round I'll just keep fighting
One more round You're messing me up oh! but I'm still here
One more round I'll come out swinging
One more round I'm telling you now I'm not gonna lose it here

Great song, isn't it? It gives me hope to keep on fighting. I fall, and I'm realizing now that I will continue to fall. I will never have a "perfect day" because I'm human. There will always be anger, frustration, stress... human-ness. I will slip. I CANNOT be perfect. But that's what I'm loving right now about God's grace. He's convicting me, yes, but on the road to wellness and wholeness there is no shortage of grace.

I smoked three cigarettes today. For awhile, I wanted to feel defeated, as though I had failed. But then I remembered something you wrote, Kim, about leaving weak spots in your armor. Places where the enemy can glance a blow if he so wishes. I didn't want to allow him to make me feel as though because I slipped that I have to fall back down to the starting point of this mountain that I'm climbing.

I'm still struggling with my want to be perfect. I'm not quite sure how to rid myself of this desire or if I'm capable of that? Is this desire natural?

I've been thinking a lot lately about my friendship with my "best friend", Kyleigh. It's not healthy, it never really has been. Lately, though, it's taken a turn for the worse. The situation is complicated, though. Last Spring, Kyleigh's boyfriend, Austin, was kicked out of his house by his mom. Not for anything he'd done wrong, necessarily. He's a good kid but his mom didn't want to "put her life on hold anymore". Anyway, since Austin lives with us, he and Kyleigh are always around. She is controlling, domineering, and sometimes, downright rude. She throws off any and all authority, responsibility... no one can point out anything that she does wrong. She even has my MOM afraid to exercise her God-given authority in her own house because of her wrath. I feel as though I need to distance myself from her. She won't listen if I try and point out any negatives in her or our relationship. My question is, how do I distance myself from her? Lately, she and Austin have been spending all of their time at her house, which I don't have a problem with, but I suspect that's because Kristine and baby Austin are here. Once they leave, I think that they'll both be back to spending all of their free time at my house. How do I distance myself from someone whose always around? Not only that, but I know my best friend. She's spiteful and catty... if I anger her, she'll drag Austin right through the mud of her anger. I don't want to do that to him.

Help?