I am not ashamed (Part Two)

I'm glad you're liking it, Kim. I was loving it!

I spent an hour and a half kind of staggered over there by myself before my parents came home and my dad spent an hour over there by himself. When I came back for the next two hours I had signed up for, my parents spent the first 45 minutes-ish with me.

We started our devotional which is called "Burn This Book" or something like that. It was good. I had to confess two things to my parents:

Firstly, I have never done illegal drugs. I've huffed household chemicals and abused prescription drugs and I've stood by while a friend smoked marijuana, but I myself have never done any illegal drugs. I told them that I thought for the longest time that the only way to really get across how much pain I was in was to tell people I had done drugs. People, for the most part, understand drug and alcohol addictions a lot better than they understand addictions to food, an eating disorder, and self-injury. It started with one little time and it escalated.

Secondly, I kind of cried out to God last night in my parents presence concerning my bondage to food. I told them I was still so tied down by it, I hated not being free. Especially after I had done such a radical thing as to have surgery and I was still shackled by it. Last night was a breaking point. In tears, I told my parents that I felt utterly lost. I had no idea where to even begin to break this. My dad, as much as I disagree with him sometimes, pulled a little pearl of wisdom out. He said, "Ashlee... you DO know what the first step is. Call Dr. Laker and reschedule your surgery. We can take it from there." I told them that I needed them to understand that after this surgery: No more soda. No more sugar. No more simple carbs. No more processed junk. Protein shakes. Vitamins. Daily exercise. Keeping up with a Primary Care Doctor, Psychologist, and Dr. Laker. Those are the simple rules, and I begged them to understand me and support me. I think I finally got through to them last night.

And, even if I didn't, I know God is the strength that I require to stand on my convictions. To be in the best health that I can be, those are the requirements. To be the best steward I can be of this body that God has blessed me with. It's now been over 48 hours since I had a cigarette and while I've been thinking about it, I know I am done and over with that bondage. It's gone and I've been set free. So now I move on.

I called the clinical coordinator of Dr. Laker's office today and left a message. We'll see.

So last night, I was sitting in the pew, looking at the screen I had put up with two Bible verses. One was the "patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" one, and the other was 'in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God". I love that one. Talks about God's peace. There was a song playing called "You Said" by Darlene Zschech.

You said
Ask and you will receive whatever you need,
You said
Lift up your eyes
The harvest is here the Kingdom is near you said,

Ask and I'll give the nations to you,
Oh Lord, that's the cry of my heart
Distant shores and the islands will see
Your light as it rises on us.

Love it! I love that thing that happens when you know God is totally in you and through you, calming your spirit and speaking to your soul. I had been troubled all day about RMC and the issues that come with it. All of the things I'll have to do and acquire and complete. I was getting too stressed. In the quiet, I got two things:

Wait on me.

Rely on me.

Neither are my favorite thing to do, but I will do them. I was still supposed to fill out the application, though, so I did. But I'm waiting for his affirmation either way and relying on Him to work it all out. And He will.

The "Who I Am in Christ" list from Victory Over the Darkness is pretty darn cool. All of these Biblical passages that give us our identity and I knew of some of them but, surprisingly, not all of them.

So all last night did was refresh my passion and give me even more hope for the future. I'm wearing a "makeshift" purity ring until I get mine for Christmas. This one is a silver band with some Cubic Zirconia that belongs to my sister, but she gave it to me for awhile. I love it, and it's been reminding me all day long of who I belong to. ;)

Summary: Last night=Awesome, Amazing. :)