No GED Orientation today. I dropped the ball. It's hard to find balance between completely kicking the crap out of myself like I used to for screwing up, and graciously accepting it when you really have done so. When I was on the phone with the woman on Friday, I forgot to ask what time orientation was today. I tried to call all morning... must've pushed that re-dial button a billion times and I never got an answer.
My dad made an excellent point. So many times, we like to stack our blocks one on top of the other. In a nice, neat little tower. The problem being that when God wants to rearrange something, he pulls a block out and our little tower can come crashing down. You have to plan things, yes, you can't just fly by the seat of your trousers because you're "trusting in God". But I've got to learn that events aren't always sequential; they don't always go from A to Z. Sometimes, God puts C in front of A and H in front F...
I still believe I'm meant to go to U of M this Fall. Today, a lady from the church dropped by and gave my dad $700 randomly. I mean... hello! I just believe that I get everything on this neat little schedule... and God's trying to show me how to let HIM work things out. I cannot be strong on my own... He is my strength. I cannot make the big plans, I have to follow blindly.
I am learning that it's easy to "trust" God when everything is going really, really good. Or when it's possible to just glaze over life like it doesn't matter. True faith, though, is following God even when you feel blind and stupid and lost. I have to step...
'Cause I'm about to let go,
And hope that You'll catch me,
I can't do a thing now,
But live what I believe.
He knows what He's doing. Even though time doesn't matter to Him, He knows the time frame that I'm working on. I have to stop wanting everything "now" and... just trust. I wish it were a simple thing. Alas, I am discovering different. However, I find hope in my knowledge that while it's not simple, it's worth it. Is it worth it.
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Hey Ashlee!
ReplyDeleteI just had to update myself on your life via your blog. My sincere apologies for kind of falling off the face of the earth the past couple days. I'm sure I'll update my blog and you'll see why I've been so out of it.
Look forward to a more lengthy and focused phone call up and coming okay? Do me a favor and write out some things you're processing that you have questions about so we can make sure those things that are really getting at you don't stay locked up in there.
Love you! <3
It's fine, love. I figured you had a lot of stuff going on in your life and when you had the time, we'd get around to it. ;)
ReplyDeleteNo big!